Naomi is 11!

My Lovely Naomi,
It's your birthday and you are 11! So much has happened this year!
You have transformed into a tween, but a very nice one. You have grown taller and soon you will be looking down at the top of my head. This year we went to Europe and you came back more mature. You swam in the sea, drove a jet ski, climbed mountains, stood on glaciers, became an ice cream connoisseur, and learned a bit of Finnish, Danish, and Icelandic along the way. I could not be more proud of the way that you navigated the world, how you enjoyed every new experience and held it together when jetlag and travelling schedules made life challenging.
You have started grade 5, you are the top-ranked chess player at school, you are the helper for the Welcome class, you have taken up figure skating, and piano continues to progress. You have become a big Harry Potter fan and are buried in the books, and all books - you love to read! You still want to be a surgeon and help others. Your life is filled with so much movement and light and creativity - art springs up out of you in the most amazing ways.
You find it hard when people are critical with you even though it is constructive. I get that, it's hard, but it will get easier I hope.
As you continue to grow into a young woman, so much remains the same: you are still the source of so much love and spirit and energy. I am in awe of you and the life that radiates from you. I cannot wait to see what this year brings.
I love you more each day, you are my hero.
Love, love, more love,


And I watched a hundred black crows
Fly through the red tint of approaching sunset
Clear winter sky,
And I called out, Yes, darling! Please return!
As I smiled and turned to face the dying sun.

the rain

The rain is luscious this morning. Lying here with a cool breeze coming in the window, listening to the soft sound of the water hitting the earth and the thunder rumbling long in the distance. Summer storms are the best.


Two weeks

Two weeks since he died. On my way to Amsterdam, then home. Soon this trip to Prague will only be a memory of numbing cold and grey skies, golden theatres and smokey cafes, and turning out the light every night and crying when I realise he is gone. It is an odd pain, distant and unreal and then so present and biting. Like knowing you have lost something so important, without being able to put it into words. The only man who will love me so unquestionably is gone. Every light moment of laughter and wonder has been tinged with something else, and there is no one to comfort my heart, so I must keep searching for wonder and hope that the crying someday stops.


Pieces of me have been spaced too far apart lately, and there is nothing to be done but wait, and while I wait the twist in my gut gets bigger as my heart slowly empties and no longer fills.

The twist

eXTReMe Tracker